Last week we got a devastating diagnosis and honestly my heart broke deeper than it had before.
I am 26 years old and am facing diminished ovarian reserve. Basically that means I am running out of eggs.
You know.... I never thought my heart could break deeper than it had in the 3 years we waited for our son. The trials we went through, the heartbreak, the losses, the unknown seemed so overwhelming. However, I would be one of the lucky ones I told myself. You know.. the ones whose pregnancy "fixed" them.
I had faith.
I assumed if we tempted fate enough, we would have an "oopsie" prior to #1 turning 6 months. Then that came and went, and I thought well surely by the time he is 1 we will have another miracle on the way....because thats how it always happens. Before I knew it his first birthday had passed as well and I realized my body was back to the same old stuff so we started to prepare for fertility treatments. We even downsized our house and moved to try and hopefully save for the thousands of dollars we knew we would have to come up with. And then about two months after we moved we got the best news we had ever received. Hubs' job just so happened to switch insurance companies and went through a group in a state with mandated fertility coverage. I bawled and thanked God right then and there. I knew at that moment we would need fertility treatments again. People kept saying they were praying and believing for a natural conception, but I KNEW that meant we would need it. God provided something we didn't even know was possible to pray for, and that was His way of blessing this path and providing the means.
I had peace.
Its been 6 months since we received that news. We did a round of treatment in April that ended in another miscarriage, and decided to go see the doctor who got us pregnant with Henry in Omaha. I didn't want to, but I just felt like this is what we needed to do. So we made an appointment for their soonest appointment..which was not for another 2 months. About a month after I made my appointment I started to feel this urgency that we needed to see her sooner. So I called to see if they had any cancellations, the receptionist was so sweet. She said no, but to feel free to call a few times a week and if there was anything and she remembered my name she would let me know. That was on Wednesday June 4th. Then on Friday June 6th I just felt like I should call again. I almost didn't, because I had just talked to her 2 days prior, but Im so thankful I did...because she had someone cancel just an hour before I called. I about fell over when she said the appointment was for the following Monday morning. We took it.
At the appointment we discussed many things, but one of my major concerns was my LH:FSH ratio. From the minimal stuff that I had researched online, my ratio suggested DOR...aka diminished ovarian reserve. When I brought that to her attention she said she wanted to see what my AMH levels were at and then we would start treatment as soon as my period arrived. Then I kind of forgot that she ran that test. On Friday June 13th I got the call when we were driving to Denver to visit my mom. The nurse was calling to let me know that my AMH was only .819 and that we would need to be more aggressive than we thought as that meant I had DOR. Then she said we would discuss it more when I came in for my sonohysterogram. I was in shock so I thanked her and hung up. And then I googled. And googled. And googled some more. And sobbed. And then sobbed harder. I stared off in the distance wondering what this would mean for our future. I apologized to Miles through my tears over and over again. Fear gripped me in a way I didn't know was possible. A lot I was reading said that some doctors wont even do IVF with someone with these kinds of numbers. And if they did, it would be better to just do donor eggs. Miles was quiet all the way, as was I between the sobs. That weekend I could hardly stop crying, or even eat and sleep.
My peace was gone. Fear gripped me.
On Monday I decided to call the nurse back and see if I could talk to someone before I had to come in as that was still at least 2 weeks away. She said that she thinks the doctor will want to do at least one round of shots and IUI before moving onto IVF to see how I will respond and it will be more aggressive than we were thinking it would be.
I was somewhat satisfied with that answer but asked her if I could talk to the doctor directly. She said that she would call me back, but it was Thursday June 19th before my doctor could call back. She reassured me that we would have another baby(and another one if we wanted to try for more in a couple years). She recommended doing a more aggressive IUI cycle first, and then we could discuss IVF. As hard as it was to not jump straight to IVF I decided that she knew what she was doing and it would be better to know how I respond before doing IVF so we don't waste coverage. So thats where we are today. I got my period on Friday, and my saline sono is scheduled for this Thursday at 8am. If that shows everything is ok I am to start 2.5mg of Femara(Letrozole) for 5 days. On day 3 of the Femara I will start twice daily shots of 75iu Bravelle for a total of 150iu of Bravelle a day. We will do IUI once I have hopefully a couple mature eggs ready to go. I'm guessing it will be sometime around the 4th of July. I have never done a combo cycle, so this will be interesting. With Henry's conception, I had 4 follicles but my E2 levels were under 300 so likely only 1 good egg. However it was our first IUI and we got our little boy so it was perfect! Hoping for better results this go round. I would love to have 2-3 good eggs available. We will see what happens though!
If you took the time to read this, thank you and Im sorry LOL! I put a lot of info into this post, mainly for my own benefit. I like to record details that way I can refer back to this in the future.